true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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