Im at strip club and am horny
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
