the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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