What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
