where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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