How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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