Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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