I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
