I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize