it glows. i had to have it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
