i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
