sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
