bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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