dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
