He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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