so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
