FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
