I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
