when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
