We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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