they need to just BURY HIM!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
