Kiss
Puke
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
