i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
