Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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