he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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