id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize