If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
