I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
