u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
