my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He better not be in your backpack
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
