so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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