this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize