If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
