clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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