Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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