My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
