I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
