Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize