yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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