so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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