I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I pour the whiskey from now on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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