There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I checked into jail on foursquare
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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