Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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