This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Sober January is a disaster.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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