the condom got lost in my hair
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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