He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
