Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
