There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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