My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
