my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
