He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
