Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
