hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
