Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
