Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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