so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
this is an emotional support booty call
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
