apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
