Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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