Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
