Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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