On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
