This is not my ceiling
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
