New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The beer is more important than you right now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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