you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
