Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
