He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
