Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
