WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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