I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
