Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
